The Best Days in History

As I sit and think about the journey I am about to go on I can't help but get a little nervous. I have done missions all my life and I started going oversees when I was 15 so that is not what is making me nervous. I think it is the time. I have never been somewhere longer than 3 months. This time I will probably not see my friends or family for a year! That is a scary thought. I know that I will make new friends and that my team will feel like family but I am still nervous at the thought of not being around the people I am used to. But I guess that is what getting out of your comfort zone is all about. I think that is why the song "Oceans" by Hillsong has been wrecking me lately. Every time I hear it my soul just screams. Here are the lyrics. 
                                           

                                           "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

My best friend Jennifer makes fun of me all the time because I HATE movies with a bad ending.  You know the ones that just stop and don't fill in the rest of the blanks?  I want to know EVERYTHING about the characters lives including their happy ending.  If the boy gets the girl then I want to know did they get married?  Did they have kids?  Are they happy?  Where are they now?  I want no detail left unsaid.  I really hate the ones like Harry Potter when you know they are not making another one and they show you Harry's kid at the end.  WHAT THE HECK??????  Now I want to know which house did he choose?  Is someone trying to kill him all the time?  Does he fall in love?  I just can't handle it.  It actually ruins the whole entire movie for me.

Now before you start thinking that I am crazy hear me out.  I have not always been like this.  I realized that this is something that has just recently been bothering me.  How did I come to this conclusion you ask?  Well I was babysitting the other night and I decided to watch one of my favorite movies...August Rush.  I remember this movie being SOOOO awesome!  I had not seen it in a few years so I did not remember everything...especially the ending.  I sat down, got all cozy and got lost in the music until...THE END!  UGH!!!  That was the worst ending I have seen in a long time.  They just look at each other.  That's it!  Then it's over.

As I sat back in silence I realized that this was one of my favorite movies.  How come the end never bothered me before?  Well here is what I decided.  I have only had this hate for bad movie endings for about 2 years now.  Hmmmm 2 years.  I graduated from college 2 years ago.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I realized that I hate not knowing how everything turns out in a movie because I hate that I don't know how everything turns out in my life.  I don't know what I am going to do when I grow up.  I don't know who I am going to marry.  Will I have kids?  Will I have grandkids?  I have been so worried about the happy ending that I forget to be in the story.  My life is so crazy hectic right now with moving to a foreign country in 3 months that I have gotten myself all worked up in the ending and I am not enjoying the middle.

This chapter of my life is that...just a chapter.  It is not the end of my story.  My story is hopefully quite long.  But my chapter at NORTHchurch is ending for now and a new chapter in Pais GB is starting.  I am so excited for this adventure.  I just need to remember that "maybe it's not about the happy ending, maybe it's about the story."

I have been needing to write an update on life for so long but I have been putting it off mostly because I had no idea where my journey would lead.  I have been keeping a pretty big secret for a few months now from most of my friends and family but now is the time when I can finally share my news with everyone!

Are you ready????

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I have been accepted to PAIS Great Britain!!!!!  Ahhhhh.  Now I know most of you are going "What the heck is PAIS Great Britain?"  Well let me tell you.

PAIS Project is a program that was started by Paul Gibbs in England.  I had the pleasure of meeting Paul a year and a half ago while I was in Brazil.  The project started mostly because of Paul's childhood and the terrible bullying that he encountered.  He wanted to stop the nonsense and create a mission that was focused on mentoring youth and making missionaries.  It all boils down to that.  Missionaries making Missionaries.  Young adults from all over are going to several different countries, going into the schools and building relationships with students.

So what does it mean that I got accepted?

I have been going through a process since October.  I submitted the application along with several recommendations and a brief video describing why I wanted to be on PAIS.  You can see that video here.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQhnLuf3JwI HUGE shout out to Sam (Bartholomew) Wardell for shooting my video.  Once my application and video were received I started the interview process.  It was a long period of waiting but finally I got the email stating that I was ready for the next step.

I interviewed via skype with Rob Johnson who is the PAIS USA Director.  The interview was great but it really did force me to take a long hard look at everything inside.  I had to be completely transparent and it was such a strange feeling.  Putting my guard down completely and exposing my struggles was both humbling and freeing.  After the interview was over Rob informed me that I was accepted to PAIS USA...next stop...Great Britain.

That interview was a little less nerve-racking because I knew most of the questions already.  The two girls I met with were so nice and put all of my nerves at ease.  It made me really excited about my potential future.

Well today was the day.  I finally got my final acceptance email.  I am officially moving to Great Britain in August.  Oh my goodness!  Oh my goodness!

I can't even write the emotions that I am feeling right now.  Nerves are sneaking up but my excitement is quickly pushing them back down.  There is so much to do and so little time.  Not only do I need to mentally prepare to move to another country but I also need to start preparing financially, getting my visa and all that other great stuff.

So there is my big secret.  This really is a season of change for my life.  I guess that now my blog is going to be all about my journey on PAIS.  The next 3 years are going to be AMAZING.  Oh yeah I guess I forgot to mention that I signed on for 3 years!  WOoohoo!  Let the missions begin!

A year ago I graduated from Oklahoma Christian University.  The week leading up to my graduation was extremely fun but so stressful.  I only had a week to get everything done in my college career.  How intimidating was that???  When I finally finished my last final I was relieved.  All I had to accomplish was picking my sister up at the airport and I was done for good.  You would think that it would be an easy task...WRONG!  I had to screw it up somehow.  As I was cleaning out my car to make room for my sister I misplaced my keys.  I searched everywhere.  Under the seats, in the trash bags, on the floorboard...Everywhere.  Except one place... The only place that I had not looked was the dumpster.  


This was not your ordinary dumpster.  This was a mega huge one filled with trash, furniture, random gross stuff from the boys apartments and about 1.5 ft of muddy, gunky water.  It was the dumpster diver's nightmare.  You would not want to touch this with a 10 ft. pole and I had decided that my keys were probably in there somewhere.  As I was cleaning out my car I threw away something and the only thing I could think of is that when I tossed the trash...the keys held on and went for a swim.  


I was devastated.  I tried to climb in to see if I could see the bag of trash that I had thrown away.  I had people looking in the dumpster with me, digging out trash but finding nothing.  I kept searching.  I retraced my steps over and over again only to find that the trail kept leading to the trash can.  The time came for me to pick up my sister so I borrowed Jenn's car and went to the airport.  After picking her up we came back only to search for my keys more.  This went on for hours.  Finally my parents arrived to help celebrate my milestone and Dad was assigned to save the day and find the keys. 


Of course, like any father, mine needed to retrace all of my steps for himself so that he could be satisfied with the looking process.  After searching my apartment and my car, he also decided that the dumpster was probably the burial place for my keys.  After a quick trip for food and a break we went to Home Depot to buy the solution to our problems...so we thought.  We purchased rubber gloves, a flash light, trash bags for our feet and a huge magnet that would pick up anything in it's path.  We were ready. 


When we got back to the apartments and got ready.  We tied trash bags on our feet to keep the water out and put on the rubber gloves.  I was the flashlight holder and my dad was the magnet man.  We climbed into the dumpster and began our search.  We hurdled over boxes, couches and kitchen trash.  We waded through the water and leaves.  We finally got to the front of the dumpster where we were sure that my keys were there.  


I watched as my dad dug through garbage and search through the water not once getting angry at me.  We scared people that came to the dumpster by screaming when they threw in their trash and splashed us with nasty cold water.  We were filthy.  I was mortified but my dad kept on pressing.  He kept searching even when he knew that it was pointless.  He did not give up because it meant something to me to find them.  It was important that I found those keys.  


After searching for what seemed like hours, we finally gave up.  We went inside defeated.  That night I could not sleep.  The next morning I woke up to my dad saying that he had a dream and knew where my keys were.  Sure enough he walked right over to my truck, opened the door and found the keys.  They had been pushed all the way behind the back seat and were impossible to see.  


I look back on this day and I laugh.  I remember the feeling when I lost them and could not find them.  It really made me start to think about God and how He helps us look for our path.  He stands with us and puts trash bags on His feet to keep dry from all of our nasty watery trash in our lives.  He digs through the junk and the dirt in our lives and searches for the solution to our problems.  Even though in the end, He has the answers and He knows the way, He does not get mad at us for needing to look or search for what we think we need.  


He is always slow to anger and always the first to help.  It was so awesome to see my dad being my savior and finding the solution but it is even cooler to know that I have a heavenly father that will dig through the dumpster to find my dreams.  He will do anything for me.  That is an awesome thing to think about.  

Whoops.  I guess when I signed up for this whole blog thing I forgot to mention that I might be really bad at blogging.  I sometimes forget that I have one.  I mean it's not like I am super busy or anything.  lol.

Life has been a crazy whirlwind and I am loving every bit of it.  I have learned so much about myself and others in these past few months.  I can definitely tell that I am growing into that confident woman of God that I know I am supposed to be.  I am super excited about my future and can't wait to see what is next.

I have found pleasure in the small things.  These past 4 months have been challenging and somewhat discouraging but I find that looking out my window at work, laughing at the sunbathing turtle or the brand new baby geese getting into the water for the first time, make those days a little easier to get through.  God has been pruning me during this time to help make me who He wants me to be.  I don't think that I can ever remember a time when I have gone through this kind of discomfort.  It is awful but I know that there is a purpose.  I know that there is a plan.  Sometimes I am just so in awe of what God is doing that I have to stop because it makes me catch my breath.  I am just so in awe of His love for me.  How could someone love me so much that He would work on me for so long just so that I could continue to succeed in furthering His kingdom.  I am nothing special...but I guess I can't see my importance in His plan just yet.

That is the funny thing about God.  Sometimes I think that He is up in Heaven laughing at us because we can get upset about some of the silliest things.  For example, the other day me and my friend got into a huge fight.  It started out with us screaming and then ended with us laughing and talking about boys.  How crazy is that???  It is obvious that we are meant to be friends and that God has a plan but when we mess up that plan is when things get tricky.

When we try to take our plan into our own hands we defile it and change it.  We put our grubby little finger prints all over it until you can't tell what it is.  Then we cry about it and God comes in with a polishing rag, cleans it up and then...poof...we get this sense of clarity that we now know how our life is supposed to go.  We have to be comical to God.  How could we not be?  It is like watching a toddler try to feed themselves for the first time.  They make a mess but you can't help but laugh and then clean up after them.

That is what I feel like I have been for the past few months...a toddler trying to feed myself a plan in life.  I think that I get it figured out and then God comes and wipes away the smudges.  Then I can see just how badly I was going to mess things up and I am thankful that I have someone watching out for me.

For now...I don't know what my future holds.  I am waiting to see what the next adventure is and I am very excited to not be going along.  Until I figure out what it is I will sit back and continue to stare out my window at work.  I might even give the sunbathing turtle a name, or try to get my hands on those baby geese...ok maybe that is not the best idea but anyway...I will continue to enjoy the small things.  I think that is what God wants us to do.  I think He wants us to win souls for the kingdom but along the way laugh and enjoy His wonderful creation and that is EXACTLY what I am going to do.

Until I decide to blog again...

Christmas is a comin and the goose is getting fat!  I can't believe it is almost here.  Another year has gone by and so much has changed.  For the first time in my 22 years of living I will not be going home the week before Christmas and I will certainly not be enjoying a 3 week break from school.  Yep that is right folks...I am an adult.  UGH!

For the first time in my life I sent Christmas cards out to everyone.  Over the Thanksgiving Holiday I got my mom to take a picture of me and Emmett.  It turned out so cute and everyone that I sent them to has told me how great they were.  Sending Christmas cards is great but I will tell you that receiving Christmas cards is even better.  We are up to about 5 cards now and every time I get one I feel more at home and more grown up.  It is a great feeling.

This Christmas I will be traveling home on Christmas Eve.  That part of the Holidays is still new to me.  I have always been home about a week or so before Christmas and I have certainly never had to pre-purchase and pre-wrap all of my Christmas presents.  I even bought my FIRST role of Christmas wrapping paper.  Do you know how difficult it was to pick out paper?  There are so many to choose from.  How is a person supposed to pick their favorite?  Then you have to remember to get name tags as well as tape and boxes.  It is a nightmare to have to remember all of this stuff.  That is why I was so lucky to have my mom at home with me every year so that I could just go and steal her stuff. : )

But never-the-less I will be filling my truck with packages, my dog and a wonderful family of 3.  I have the pleasure of inviting one of my friends and her 2 kids to come home with me for Christmas.  I am so excited to get to open up my home to them and show them all around my hometown.  My parents are very excited and we have so much planned.  The car ride will be interesting since my 80lb German Shepherd usually insists on taking up the entire back seat but we will make it work.

I am so blessed this Christmas Season.  I have a wonderful job, wonderful family, wonderful friends and a wonderful church home.  I could not ask for anything more this year.  God has truly poured out His blessings on my life and I am so excited to see what will be in store for 2012.

Now to leave you with a little Christmas Cheer.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLfetb55O8o